Different people consider different things before getting into relationships or taking things to the next level when dating.
Some women (I think it’s safe to say most women) want financially stable men that can take care of them. Some men want women that can cook really good food. Some people will go for good or kind hearted persons. Some want porn stars in the bedroom (yes! I said it)
And the list goes on and on.
However, before you give the man your heart, before you go all in, before you can make a simba of lion king’s kind of introduction of ‘Mr.I think he could be the one‘ to your family and friends; consider the following ladies:
Is he a ladies man i.e. a player
Is he too protective of his phone, Is it always on silent mode, does he ignore some calls and does he always have to leave the room or walk a little further away from you to answer a call?
Is the time you see him limited? Does he always seem uneasy when you’re out in public and does he make any excuse to avoid outdoor activities? Does he have a problem with you tagging him or posting photos of both of you on social media?
You get it, right?
Now, I know you’re probably thinking, ‘but men cheat a lot nowadays it’s so normal’. Fine! But are you ready to deal with constant infections or sexually transmitted diseases? How about texts with insults every now and then that end with the famous phrase ‘leave my man alone!’? Oh! and how about ‘kuanikwa‘ meaning, to be exposed and embarrassed on social media groups as has become the norm in Kenya nowadays, with labels like, ‘husband snatcher’ ‘home wrecker‘ or ‘mwizi wa wanaume’ (lemme not use the actual words here, that are normally used there. Weuh!)
Anyway, you don’t want to deal with a player ladies. Especially if drama is not your cup of tea. Trust me!
Is he an emotional or physical abuser
Any form of abuse is very serious and unfortunately, most women ignore this in the name of love, understanding and fear of being alone or single.
Ladies, when a man starts with something as simple as saying demeaning things like ‘you’re stupid’ or like Kenyans say ‘unakuwanga na ujinga mingi’ or getting ticked off over petty issues or disagreements and he is not remorseful, start questioning a few things.
Grown respectful men do not use insulting words on any woman leave alone one that he is dating.
An abuser or a man with the habit of mistreating women will pretend but not for too long. Eventually, his true colours will show. We all step on each other’s toes unknowingly as we get to know each other during the initial stages of any relationship. So if you get on his wrong side even the slightest, he’ll snap.
If he embarrasses you in public or when you’re amongst other people, watch out. This can only mean that he could do worse in private.
Also, if he says demeaning things that lower your self esteem or make you want to change yourself especially physically, by the time he’s done with you, you’ll be so broken and will hate yourself so much, you’ll have no reason to live.
Is he a parasite
Is he the type that only talks about money, how he’s having a few financial problems that are caused by business deals and then somehow finds a way to convince you to lend him a little money? (it’s not usually so little by the way) Then he promises to pay you back as soon as his business deals go through (this deals take forever FYI and he might need some more money from you in the meantime)
Does he make you run his errands that most likely need financing and will never give you money for them but instead comes up with the lamest excuses for not being able to give or send the cash right away?
Is he the type that is always having money issues when you ask for a little financial help yet he will never miss a weekend night out or a sale on shoes etc?
Does he come to your house empty handed and expects you to feed him well? He wants ugali beef or chapo chicken yet he can’t bring not even a packet of milk with him when he visits!
Be very careful about the type of man you let into your life as it’s short. Make sure you live it well with the right man. One that brightens your light, not dim it. One that contributes to your growth, not use and bring you down.
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