As most of you may or may not know, I have been single for almost 2 years now. At first, it was hard as I had just come from a 7 year long distance relationship, from which I had two babies.
Then of course I tried to do what most women do after a break up.. move on fast in order to:
1.Avoid dealing with the pain.
2.Prove to my ex that I could be appealing to other men.
3.Try to get away from the thought of ever getting back together. As we both knew, without a doubt, that we were not right for each other.
This was at the beginning of 2017 and that did not work out very well, as my need to numb the pain that came with the break up, blinded me from seeing the red flags that came with dating the next guy. He turned out to be a con artist that targeted women. Wow Shiliz!!
A few weeks after finding out about the rebound guy/con artist, I started talking to another guy that lived abroad. This was another terrible idea as one of the main reasons why my ex and I had broken up, was due to the long distance. As soon as I realized that I was wasting my time, I ended things.
I then made a promise to myself. That I was going to take a break from dating and men. That was one of the best decisions that I have ever made!
Ladies, give yourself time to enjoy single hood. Jumping from one relationship to the next is probably the reason why you keep making the same mistakes or end up with guys that are not worthy of you. Focus on yourself, love yourself, take yourself out, hang out with your girls or guys..enjoy being SINGLE! ~ Shiliz
September 2017 on my Facebook account
Being single has been an awesome experience. If it was possible, I would stay single for life. But oh well.. I’m human!
Below are some of the reasons why I have really enjoyed the single life:
No more do I rely on other people to be or to make me happy.
I used to place my happiness on other people’s hands, particularly men. Being single has taught me that I can totally live a happy and fulfilled life without a man in the picture.
I have learnt that I do not need external love to be fulfilled. I now know how to love myself and put my emotional needs first. Whenever I was in a relationship, I would put every man that was in my life first, completely forgetting about me. Not anymore.
This is particularly good because now I will never allow myself to put up with crap or bullshit from a man.
No longer I’m I afraid to be single.
I was always fearful of being alone. Whenever I would leave a relationship, I would jump right on to the next. Giving myself no room, whatsoever, to heal. Now I know that even if a man decides that he no longer needs or wants me in future, I will be just fine.
I do not require any external confirmation or validation. I am confident in who I am.
Better focus on other and more important things in my life.
My kids have been getting my full and undivided attention. I focus better on work and blogging. I’ve also been trying to get to know God better.
Some ‘me’ time.
Being single has allowed me to have time for myself. When my kids sleep, I do not have to worry about taking care of another human being. Instead, I watch a movie, chat with friends or simply relax in bed and so on.
I now know my value and I will never let myself settle for less. My standards will never be lowered to accommodate any man.
I only worry about my own insecurities.
I do not have to worry about someone else’s fears and lack of confidence in themselves. Neither do I have to worry about being suspected of cheating or talking to other men and so on.
Decision making is a breeze.
Any decision that I made on/in my life always revolved around what the man I was with thought or felt. Now that I am single, I do not need to inquire before doing things that I love.
I live my own life without worrying about what someone that’s supposed to be my partner, might think or want.
A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence. ~
However, being single does have its own downside:
Sometimes I wish I had someone beside me or simply someone to do things that couples do with, as it gets a little lonely.
Girl talk is awkward.
When all your friends are dating, girl talk can make you feel a little left out. Let me not go into details on this one…Y’all get your minds off the gutter though hahaha
Photos by Shiliz
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