I have been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook where people (especially men which is very sad) disrespect single mothers. The kind of things they say are very disturbing. Some of these things include:
- Single mums are husband snatchers.
- They rely on sponsors.
- They sleep around even with their baby daddy’s etc.
Single mum’s confession: People think my child was a mistake. He wasn’t. His father was~Whisper App
Being a single mum does not mean that a woman is immoral like many people like to label them. In most cases, it’s as a result of unavoidable circumstances. Actually, there are enough immoral people out there without kids.
I didn’t plan on being a single mom, but you have to deal with the cards you are dealt the best way you can. ~Tichina Arnold
There are many good reasons why a woman may be a single mother. Most of which are not her fault at all.
Some of these reasons are:
- A failed relationship.
Where the parents can’t cope anymore no matter how much they try. The couple in question probably argues more often than not. And worse, where the relationship is abusive.
In these cases it’s best for the parents to separate. This is especially for the sake of the kids, their happiness and mental health.
- Long distance relationships.
This is where the man has to work away from home to support his family.
Where the man passed away.
- The man in question is irresponsible.
He could be a drunk. Maybe he can’t hold down a job. And when he has money he spends it all on everything but his family.
- The man in question is MIA.
This is where the man in question up and left the minute he heard his woman was pregnant.
It is very crucial for people and especially men to stop looking down on and disrespecting single mothers. If anything Single mothers are heroes because they chose to take care of their children.
Mothers – especially single mothers – are heroic in their efforts to raise our nation’s children, but men must also take responsibility for their children and recognize the impact they have on their families’ well-being~Evan Bayh
- The single mother from a failed relationship would have left the child(ren) with the father or her parents to move on with her life.
- The single mother in a long distance relationship would have chosen to leave her kids with her parents and leave for abroad or wherever to be with her man.
- The widowed woman would have chosen to give up to depression and look for comfort elsewhere. Or even get remarried to any man she comes across. Not caring how well he will relate with and accommodate her child(ren).
- The woman that is a single mother because the father is irresponsible would also leave the kids with him to teach him a lesson.
- The woman that was dumped when the man found out she was pregnant had the choice to abort and move on with her life.
To be a good mother while my heart was breaking was one of the hardest roles I’ve ever had to play~word porn
I am a single mum and I have been ever since my kids were born. Their dad was only there once in a while because he lives abroad. If you watched my first video on YouTube (see it below) then you will understand a bit more on why I consider myself a single mother.
Below are some of the things that I have learnt from being a single mum and associating with other single mums:
- She works twice as hard.
Providing for a family is not easy. Feeding, Clothing, paying for their education and making sure that they have shelter. At least in a complete nuclear family the parents help each other. E.g. A mother buys food and clothing while the man pays the rent and school fees.
Lucky for me my children’s dad does his part financially. Most single mothers are not as lucky as me.
- A single mother has to make several sacrifices including not having a social life.
I chose to take care of my kids myself instead of leaving them with a house help/nanny because I figured that they can’t have two absent parents. I did try to employ house helps but this left me with so much guilt especially when I had to leave my daughter alone with them. It also didn’t work out as some house helps can be a piece of work.
I take care of everything in my household myself. We only get help once in a while when I have a lot of work that needs to be done.
Also, I don’t hang out with my friends as much as I used to. And sometimes I am torn between grooming/treating myself to something I like, and buying necessities for my children.
- If possible, a single mother should try and have a good relationship with her children’s father.
Parenting is not a joke and especially for a single mother to a boy(s). My son sometime comes to me and says something that I feel he should tell his dad instead. So I refer him to his dad. This is because his dad might be in a better position to advise him on certain topics than I can.
- A single mum should have a father figure for herr child especially the boy(s).
The father to your child may be unavailable due to unavoidable circumstances. He may not want to be involved. He is probably no more and so on. In this case you should have your son spend some time with a male that you completely trust. It could be your father, brother or a man you have known a long time. Like I said in the previous point, some things a boy may be going through are best handled by a man.
- Disciplining your child(ren) as a single mother can be tough sometimes.
I don’t know about other single parents but I have a really hard time when it comes to disciplining my children. Sometimes I feel like I’m too tough on them or too soft. Also, I tend to feel like if their dad was around disciplining would be easier.
I’ve heard a lot of mothers say that they can say one thing a million times to the kids without any success. But the minute the husband says the same thing once to the kids, they respond immediately.
- Spending time with your kids has to be a priority.
I know a single mother has to work really hard to provide for her children but it’s imperative to find time to spend with your kids. You can do things together.
My kids and I do most of the chores together. We have movie nights every weekend. Go shopping together. Cook together. Take walks and so on.
This has really helped us bond. We talk about a lot of things. We tell stories. They ask me a bunch of questions. They really open up. (see video below)
- Single mums are always in rush to get back home to their kids.
I always try my best to get back home as fast as possible. This is whenever I have an assignment that requires me to leave the house. I sometimes feel like flying home especially when there is traffic and my kids are at home or almost home from school.
- A single mother needs a break once in a while.
A single mother is on duty 24/7. Unlike where both parents are present and the dad can handle some of the family matters, a single mother does everything herself. For this reason it’s very important for a single parent to be happy and mentally healthy.
If not careful one can easily fall into a deep depression. How then can she take care of her child(ren)?
Whenever I feel like I need a break, I take my kids to my mother’s place. They have enough activities to do there. For example, they help my mum out in the garden. With the many friends they have made in my mum’s neighbourhood, they are often outside playing. My younger sister is also always there to help out with them. During this whole time I am able to relax, unwind or get some work done.
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Featured Image: My children and I